Carnie Life
by BrokenDaisy
Summary: I lived as a carnie for twenty-four years, I had birthdays in caravans, I met all sorts of people, I learnt how to control the animals after three years of being terrified and I met my wife... Teresa Lisbon. AU
1. The arrival of Karate Girl

**Okay, so I was at a circus today with my cousins and couldn't get this out of my head, it was originally meant to be a One-shot but I think I might need to change that.**

I lived as a carnie for twenty-eight years, I had birthdays in caravans, I met all sorts of people, I learnt how to control the animals after three years of being terrified and I met my wife...

She came to the circus as a runaway aged seventeen; a broken soul desperate to escape was what Zelda called her. The circus was where I worked in the carnival and was the pride and joy of the Carnival. When she came she had no trade only the knowledge a seventeen year old would learn in school which was a lot more than most of us knew. In exchange for her teaching the young carnies the older carnies would teach her the trade of a circus woman and they would let her stay. I never found out why she was granted permission to stay so easily until I was 24, I was eighteen when she came. I knew of her when she first came, she was in figure of speech the talk of the town but I didn't see her until a week after her arrival when we were rehearsing for our final show of that town. She came in with Madame Losaline, the horse-back ballerina (Something I never wished to try) who ordered her to take a seat and watch. That made me remember of when I had been under the wing of Madame Losaline the forty something year old, she had told me the exact same thing but as a five year old I hadn't been as obedient as she for I had began to investigate which evidently required the fire brigade to come and put out the blazing fire in the back tent (I still stand by my speech that the fire sticks had magically lit up themselves and fell onto the canvas).

She sat obediently and watched with interest the show I had seen countless times before. I always liked the new ones for they had no idea what I was like until they met me and of course I couldn't back down. After my act I walked over to her and sat in the makeshift bench behind the one she sat on. She seemed so girly and simple that I tried one of my baby tricks on her which meant I tapped on one shoulder then hid behind the other so she never saw me. What I didn't know was her outer self was not what I had been able to see. As soon as I tapped her shoulder once I felt myself hurtle through the air and land on my back, it hurt like I had just fallen off the tight rope onto the ground 15 feet below. She smirked at me and lent me a hand to help me up.

"Psychic boy." She said her voice playful and teasing.

"New girl." I replied. New girl? Seriously I couldn't think of anything better than New Girl? I cursed my mind for my lame excuse.

"New girl?" She repeated, biting back a smile.

"Karate girl." I said, wincing as I got up and took the seat beside her.

We talked for a while after that until I was ordered back to the ring to help out Madame Losaline who although was as graceful and as beautiful as a twenty year old on the back of a horse in her pastel leotard and tulle tutu was aging terribly now she was fifty eight and had trouble moving the horses into the ring and tacking them up in their flimsy velvet bridles with pieces of silk in various colours draping from it and the sparkly rugs which secured with a girth that was in whatever colour the horses silk was in. Each horse had their own colour, Ava had rich greens and pastel yellows, Juliette had baby pink and baby blue while the main horse Dove wore all the colours of the rainbow. They were beautiful to someone who wasn't as terrified of them as I. I helped tack them up then I went to return to Karate Girl who had disappeared. I sat down in hope of her return until I saw her appear with Madame Losaline she had rid herself of the too-large black overcoat she had been wearing to reveal a tiny practise dress like those of every woman in the circus. I had never thought they fit all that well on most of the performers but I had to make an exception for Karate Girl, her practise dress matched Madame Losaline's an absurd shade of hot pink, I had never envied the woman for that and never protested when I wore the blue leotard I had to wear to practise. But she undoubtedly looked beautiful in the hot pink, in my eyes it made her look like Barbie but Karate Girl would never know that for I was sure I would end up dead.

I found it strange that such a new girl could have mastered the art of Madame Losaline's in just a few days so I sat quietly with my eyes focused on her. She only did a simple routine, most of it just riding the two horses as Madame Losaline danced elegantly on Dove's back but halfway through she began to stand up, I saw the nervous and somewhat terrified look on her face but no-one could miss the unbeatable look of determination in her eyes. Her small, weightless form moving slightly clumsily wasn't even enough for the horse to register she just kept up her cantering pace, her head down, on the bit as she pranced round the stage. I watched as she slowly righted herself and stood up straight, she didn't look professional but she didn't look like a complete mess as most of the beginners who I had seen before. She fixed her bare feet onto the horses back then placed her hands on the rug that sat just at the horse's neck, I held my breath as she kicked up, her legs flying into the air with slight elegance. She held them there as the horse slowed its pace, much to my relief. Her legs wavered and her arms shook but she didn't drop her position, during watching her I missed all of what Madame Losaline was doing but I didn't care I had seen her act before. I saw Juliette begin to creep beside Ava until they were walking side by side, at this moment she swung her legs down to end up standing on Juliette's back, she held her place as she watched Madame Losaline, Ava and Juliette staying at the same pace with each other but trotting quickly around the ring, their silk flowing from their bridles. Their act finished and I quickly ran into the ring, I held out a hand for her so she could dismount and she took it and gracefully slid from the horse, smiling with great achievement.

"Well done Karate Girl." I grinned, walking her out of the ring as the horses were removed by Bert and Ernie (No Joke) the two stage assistants.

"I can stop breathing." She laughed her hands on her heart.

"That's a good thing." I chuckled.

"No, I mean my hearts beating so quickly." She exclaimed.

I looked at her, her chest heaving and her cheeks a pretty shade of Coral red. She picked up my hand and pressed it to her chest. I felt her breathing beneath my hand it was heavy like someone who had just walked through a haunted house alone after being told various tales of spooks and ghosts and other horror stories. I wanted to take my hand away considering the place but she kept it there.

"How do you stop it?" She asked.

"Breathe." I commanded, taking my hand away and using both my hands to gesture when she should breathe in and out.

She obeyed and I made a mental note to make her stop obeying everything anyone told her, just because she would obey everything I told her and I couldn't help but use that for the better.

"You alright now?" I asked, watching her.

"Yeah, have you ever tried that?" She asked.

"Em, yeah but I didn't do as good as you. I fell off just sitting on the horse when it was walking. That's how I got this." I explained, rolling up the leg of my leotard (which I now felt very embarrassed for wearing in front of her) to show her the large bruise/scar that covered my calf.

"Ouch." She smiled, she then pulled up her beautiful curls and unhooked the neck of her dress and turned around.

"The first time I fell of Ava, was yesterday. I fell onto the concrete on the path outside landed on my back and neck, Ava then walked over me luckily just missing me with her rather heavy hooves." She said, parting the dress so he could see all the way down her neck and back which was covered by a rather ugly purple bruise trailing all the way down her neck and her back and disappearing into her clothes.

"What were you doing?" I asked, zipping her back up after seeing the struggle she had to find the zip.

"Trotting. While sitting down." She laughed.

"But you can canter upside down?" I chuckled.

"Technicality." She shrugged.

"Are you taking part in the show?" I asked, walking her out of the tent, not caring if anyone needed us or if anyone wanted us to do something.

"No, Madame Losaline said I'm not ready." She replied.

"Did she see you?" I asked possibly acting a little over the top but at that time I didn't care she had been perfect at it."

"I'm still a little shaky." She said obviously repeating what Madame Losaline had told her.

"Only a little." I protested

"That little's too much but I have to help out behind the stage if I wish to stay in the circus and I'll need to sell more items so I can pay for my costumes." She frowned.

"You can be my assistant." I smile, making her laugh.

"You have an act with your father, you don't need an assistant." She said, stopping in her path suddenly.

"Why did you stop?" I ask.

"The beach is down there, I'm not allowed outside the circus in my practise uniform." She said, standing at the top of the stairs that I'm already three steps down.

"It doesn't matter, you don't really own any clothes that you can change into though do you? It's all a ploy to get you to stay in the caravan or the tent." I reason, it is. I don't own a pair of normal clothes at all.

"No all I have is my riding clothes, my show dress and my rehearsal dress."

She opens her mouth to say more but I take her hand and run down the stairs she screams in protest and only then do I realise she's barefoot while I'm in my (masculine) ballet pumps. I pick her up and carry her down the rest of the remaining stairs until I drop her on the beach.

"Happy?" I asked.

"No." She frowns but she looks at the beautiful water and sand that she has now begun to sink in.

"Let's go swimming." I suggest.

"I can't, my dress would get wet and Madame Losaline would complain." She replied shaking her head.

"Take it off." I can tell by the glare that she gives me that she's not impressed.

"Oh Come on, I know you've got the swimming costume like under-item, I saw the halter on your neck."

She glares but unzips the tiny dress; she steps out of it and shivers. "It's cold."

"Yeah, because the tiny dress that you had on a minute ago is so much warmer."

"It was." She argues.

I roll my eyes playfully then un zip my own leotard, luckily in the leotards you can wear proper underwear unlike the tiny dresses the women wear which requires a tight-fitting under-costume with a halter neck since most of the dresses they wore were backless.

"How do you know so much about woman's clothes anyway?" She asks and I feel my face blush slightly.

"When I was little Madame Losaline looked after me like she's doing you." I explained.

She chuckles apologetically then smirks at me.

"You ready?"

I have never been one to back down from a challenge and I found myself running to the freezing water and running so far in until I was forced to swim. She ran in as far as me and I smiled as I looked at the sight of the both of us, treading water as each massive wave hit us and moved us further back into shore.

"Madame Losaline will kill me." She spluttered recovering from the massive wave hat had hit us both with great strength. The same wave that now had us soaking with our hair sticking to our faces in limp curls.

"What's your name?" I ask realising that we hadn't gotten to the introducing names part besides Karate Girl and Psychic Boy.

"Robin." She replied.

"Yeah, and I'm batman." I laugh. "What's your real name?"

"Robin." She replied again, defiantly.

"Now this is just insulting, are you going to tell me the truth?" I ask.

"Teresa." She replies.

"Last name?" I ask.

"Don't have one anymore." She shrugs. Treading water for all she's worth.

"Great, I'm Patrick Jane you can be Teresa Jane." I smile.

"Hello Patrick Jane." She smiles back.


	2. Fire, Strawberries and That Path

My nineteenth birthday came quickly, I woke up as it being the best day of my life yet I went to sleep as it one of the worst. We didn't have a show that day because we had just arrived at a small, quaint town in which we were to perform the next day.

I didn't sleep that night, as always when it was my birthday a childish trait I know but birthdays were always fun for me. I had waited obediently, albeit impatiently for the green numbers on my alarm clock to change to 00:00 then I tip-toed, in my stripy pyjama pants and old white t-shirt from my father and me's caravan and ran to Teresa and Madame Losaline's and banged on the window I knew that underneath on the inside was Teresa.

"Karate Girl." I asked in whisper through the thin walls. The name never changed until we truly started dating when it was changed for cute nicknames that she hated and I teased.

After a few minutes on waiting for her to wake up she crept outside wearing a silk nightgown and her leather jacket, a very fetching outfit I must say.

"What do you want, Psychic Boy?" She asked sleepily.

"It's my birthday." I announce proudly.

"Happy Birthday, can I go back to sleep now?" She yawned.

"No, we have to go." I say, grabbing her by the wrist and weaving through all the parked caravans to the main road. I will admit, this was becoming a thing for me, no explaining just taking her hand and running of course I made sure she had shoes on this time.

"Where are we going?" She asks, as we wait at the side of the road for the lone car to pass.

"Into town, I always do this on my birthday if we're in someplace new. I wanted you to come with me this time." I reply.

"Why couldn't you have taken 'Dear Angie' I'm sure she would love to go on a midnight trek with you."

I wince at her words, don't get me wrong Angela Ruskin was a lovely girl. Her family had just joined the carnival and she was pretty much deemed the carnival princess. She had long blonde curls down to her waist, a perfect complexion, tanned skin and enchanting blue eyes and she was so very interested in me, I had been interested in her when she first came, she was a month younger than me and I, well we, had flirted shamelessly her first few hours until I saw Teresa watching us, I couldn't help but feel guilty like I had some sort of loyalty to the now early eighteen year old girl.

"I would have but I wanted to bring my favourite girl with me, you know my moody best friend." I joked, I realise now that that voice inside my head telling me that I wanted more meant I didn't want a moody best friend, more a girlfriend, moody or not.

"Moody?" She repeated, looking at me, feigning anger.

"And beautiful." I wink, wrapping my arms around her now shivering form.

"Suck up." She grinned, allowing me to keep my arms around her even as we walked into the dark empty town. We wander aimlessly for a while, walking through the main street which is empty and ghost-like.

I pull her into a 24hour convenience store and start to scan the shelves. The two people watched us, sleepily making sure the two pyjama clad people didn't steal anything or create havoc- me? Never. I learned the first time.- it's a girl and a boy, their sitting at either side of the till, as far away from each other as they can be in the small space, they occasionally look at each other and I can't help but think they are involved in some way, intimately. I pick up a bag of Gummy Bears, knowing she loves them and make my way to the counter, I pull a note out of my pocket and hand it over to the girl, she rubs her eyes and robotically puts the note in the till and hands me my change. I stuff it into my pocket and nod my thanks to them, I want to say more, tell her he wants her, tell her he dreams about her all the time but I hold my tongue, the guy looks scary, rugged and brutal.

As we walk out of the shop I open the packet and tip some out onto my hand, gesturing for her to take them.

"Thanks." She nods, taking them and popping one into her mouth.

"We need to find a park."

"Why?" She asks, walking quicker to catch up with me.

"That's what all the cool kids do."

"The cool kids, huh?" She laughs.

"Yeah I overheard this group of people our age and they were organising to go to a park and the shops."

"At midnight?" She asks, the sarcasm in her voice not going unnoticed by me.

"Well, no. But our way is so much more fun."

"But we're in pyjamas." She stated, nervously pulling her nightgown down.

"And?" I ask, looking back at her as she hurried to catch up with me. "It's my birthday, this is fun."

She rolled her eyes at me and we kept on walking down that little street, walking through alleys until we found a tiny, rundown park.

She sat on the swings as I climbed the chute, bending almost in half to stand on the ladder and keep my hands on the rails. To say I was too big for this would be an understatement. I heard her chuckles in the background as I found my way up the tiny ladder to sit myself at the top. It wasn't high up, in fact if I stood on the ground I was probably bigger than it but I still stopped to look around at the world around me. It was lit by a wavering streetlight standing old and alone in the corner of the park, it wasn't beautiful, wasn't a place I'd ever take my children but it was a park and I'd only ever been to three in my life, yeah sure you'll tell me I lived in a carnival, no need for a simple park when I had rollercoaster's for chutes, spinning teacups for a roundabout and a trapeze for a swing but I have always been fond of tradition, men in suits, women in dresses, old cars, children going to school, no divorce, days out as a family. Call me old fashioned, I don't care.

"On you go then." She calls, looking up at me from her seat on the swing she's rocking back and forward.

"Give me a minute, I'm admiring the world." I reply.

"What? The knocked down trees, the graffiti-ed walls, the alcohol bottles littering the church gardens, or the broken wings of the angel statue." She states, looking around at the imperfections of the little town.

"No, the deep blue of the sky, the brightness of the moon, the dew drops on the dark grass, the owls calling from their homes in the trees, the spinning weathervane dragon on the church tower and of course the angel on the swings." I wink; she sees it through the dark and laughs.

"Can you do anything besides flirt?" She asks.

"No, I am a ladies' man." I answer, letting myself slide down on the slide to join her on the ground.

"No kidding." I can tell that she rolls her eyes at me.

"I can make anyone fall in love with me."

"Really." She asks.

"You did." I nod, sitting on the swing beside her.

"I fell in love with you, did I?" She asks, looking at me in her usual "you're crazy, but please explain" look.

"Yes, that's why your here. At midnight, in a flimsy nightgown, sitting on a swing, in a town we've never been before."

"No, I'm here because I'm an idiot, and I knew if I didn't come you would continue to batter down the walls of the trailer." She states. Stretching her nightgown over her knees.

"True, but you're still here because you love me." I'm always right; she just had yet to learn.

"Keep telling yourself that." She nods.

"You just keep denying it then, I'm fine with that. But one day, something's going to happen and you'll fall into my arms."

"Yeah, you'll trip me up." She chuckles.

"Something big, something big will happen and you'll realise you love me."

"You just jinxed us now, something bad is gonna happen."

"No it won't, now come on, we have a whole park. You can't just stay on the swings."

"Yes I can, I like the swings." She says childishly.

"Fine, we'll race. Who can get the highest."

"That's babyish."

"We're almost twenty and we're in a park." I point out.

"Fine." She agrees. Pushing back on the swing till she was only touching the floor with her toes.

"Go." I nod, throwing myself forward, less than gracefully and with the enthusiasm of a four year old.

After she won twice-obviously because she's smaller and lighter- we left the park and walked through the small woods at the back, it was extremely over-grown so it snagged our clothes and tore at our bare flesh. She walked through it showing no signs of pain while I hobbled behind her. She had wanted to go through the woods, said it reminded her of the woods she used to live in front of, which is the same woods she brought her brothers into any time her father got violent which I didn't know yet but did later. She stopped at what looked like the biggest tree and once I joined her she started to climb up, even in a dress she did so much better than I did. She sat on a branch, high above me while I stumbled and slid up the tree, she laughed but helped me, telling me where to put my hands and feet, telling me not to look down and eventually pulling me up onto the branch where she sat.

"Monkey-karate girl." I state, looking down nervously.

"Scared-psychic boy." She counters, placing her hand over mine as she notices my near heart attack as I see how high up we are.

I gulp and close my eyes, thinking of happier things, things on earth.

"So when do you head back after your little escapes to the little towns on your birthday." She asks.

"When the sun comes up. I usually find a place to sleep, then head back just before 6 when the carnival gets up." I answer, looking at her and avoiding looking down.

"How do you find a place to sleep?" She asks, stroking my hand with her thumb, I don't know if she notices but I happily keep quiet.

"Benches, shelters, shopping centres, train station waiting rooms, one time an old lady's couch." I shrug, the old lady had found me on the streets and hustled me into her house, feeding me a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits before settling me down on the couch in a pair of her husband's old pyjamas.

"So where do we sleep tonight?" She asks, pulling down her skirt for the fifth time.

"I wanted to do this on your birthday, but I didn't have enough at the time so I decided to wait until mine so tonight we sleep in a bed and breakfast, in a proper bed." I nod, fishing the wad of bills hidden in my pocket.

"No, that's a lot of money. You should save it for something else. Like getting out of the carnival when you're old enough or buying a ridiculously expensive car." She said, shaking her head.

"But I want to do this." I say, I've planned it for long enough. I had it planned since the day I met her.

"No, I can't let you. We'll go back to the carnival and then we can grab our blankets and sleep outside." She suggests.

"Fine, but one day I'll drag you to a bed and breakfast at midnight." I promise.

"Fine." She laughs.

"Now how do we get down?" I ask, clinging to the branch, we're perched on.

-Carnie-Life-

We walk slowly back to the carnival, my heart still thudding from the fear of getting down the tree. We're holding hands, a very subtle move I initiated and she obliged and as we cross the road to the land the carnival is set on we are greeted by the thick smell of burning gas and smoke. As we picked up the pace, we can see flames engulfing a caravan. All that time we were running I had a niggling feeling that I knew which caravan but all that time I had hoped it wouldn't be. We stood alongside a growing group of carnies as we watched the men try to calm the raging fire. She clutches my hand tightly as she realises what I've known for the last few moments. It was her caravan.

I had scanned the crowds for signs of Madame Losaline but I couldn't find her.

I've always hated fire after that.

The next day police were wandering amongst us, I stayed in bed that day with Teresa, nothing more than lying together watching through the windows as a body was taken through the crowds, as people processed the singed remains of a caravan and as outsiders watched intently like it was a T.V show. After telling the men last night than Teresa was out, it was a breath of relief, a short rapid breath of tiny relief for it meant that not two had died but one. I knew who had started the fire, the gipsy-haters who thought we were nothing but gypsies living illegally, the ones who thought we deserved to die because of how we lived. We had met many of them being in a carnival and we had heard stories of other carnivals being chased out of town by the group but we'd never really experienced it. I thought these people were fine, hate is fine but when someone hates you so much they just want to kill you its a little unnerving. My dad unwillingly let Teresa stay in our caravan; he scarcely stayed in it anyway, always at the Smith brothers' caravan for a drink and a game of poker, or at a woman's caravan. So I knew me and Teresa would have it for ourselves. After watching the careless coroner's assistant pull Madame Losaline's body into the van I got up, deciding I couldn't watch anymore. I stalked over to the kitchenette and pulled out the bowl from the cupboard and the pan that hung from the nail that was hammered into the cracking tile. She joined me as I added the eggs and stood behind me, standing on her tiptoes to see over my shoulder. I violently cracked the egg against the side of the bowl and I could feel her flinch behind me.

"Are you okay?" She asks, I can picture her with that worried line between her eyebrows and the natural pout that she wears when she's worried.

"It could have been you." I reply.

"I know, but you saved me. You saved me without even knowing." She smiled, putting a hand on my shoulder, she was shivering, I could see the goose bumps on her arms. She was only wearing the nightgown now, the only piece of clothing she had left.

I turn around for I can't think of any words to say and hug her tightly, in time she would tell me she was lucky to get out of the embrace alive but right now she just wraps her arms around me too.

"You know, that big event." She starts. "The one you said would make me realise I love you."

I nod and smile knowing the next lines.

"I think I might be starting to follow that path." She smiles, kissing me on the cheek. I smile and turn back to the eggs in a bowl; I add flour and milk to the eggs, grinning like a fool. For lunch we had pancakes and strawberries. My favourite meal ever since.

After we ate, I drag her back to the town to get clothes, the show has been cancelled so we have all the time we need. There's only second hand stores which I'm a little disappointed in but she doesn't mind at all, I knew she wasn't a girly girl who was into shopping and make-up since she came in her old worn jeans, leather jacket, work boots and a plain red t-shirt. At first she doesn't let me buy anything for her, insisting I keep my money for myself but my arrogance and stubbornness kick in and she gives up reluctantly. We came away with jeans for each of us, a green top for her after I insisted she should only buy green because it matches her eyes, a green dress I bought when she wasn't looking, a three piece suit I grew fond of-she teased me for looking like a granddad- brown loafers and a gymnastic leotard in green that she needed for practise. Not that she has anything to practise now. In the evening there is a meeting of the higher-uppers at the carnival due to idle curiosity we go and listen.

"What about the horses?" Ted, the clown- yes a clown can be carnival royalty- asked.

"They're getting sent back to her daughter in Iowa, Grace I think her name was. Organized for them to be shipped back to their farm." Holly, the ringmaster's wife reports.

"What about the girl Madame Losaline looked after? Losa said she was never to be kicked out of the circus." Joel, the ringmaster reminded.

"Last I heard she was staying with Patrick and his father." Holly shrugged.

"We need a new act, Madame Losaline's trick ponies are no more." Joel mentioned, scribbling on a notebook.

"The only ones that can do it are the Smith brothers', Evan and Patrick Jane, The Ruskins, Hetty and Carly, The Knife and Madame Losaline's girl." The clown adds, flicking through sheets of paper.

"I'm not putting the Smith Brothers' on another one; the drunken idiots are close to being kicked." Holly states, making a slashing motion over her neck.

"Hetty and Carly would take too much to set up, so would the Knife so close them." Joel nodded.

"The Ruskin's daughter would be a nice add, she's a real stunner." Joel added.

"Her and Patrick would be a good spot, the princess and the prince." Holly suggested.

"I like that, Evan's barely standing on his feet by the end of the show so giving him another one would be suicide and the Ruskins already have their act. But what do we do with Losa's girl?" Holly asks.

"Backstage assistant, ticket stall, food stall, she might come in useful someday." Ted shakes his head.

"Why'd Losa keep her?" Holly asked.

"Never said." Ted shrugged.

Meanwhile we're sitting with our ears to the outer walls of the caravan, silently talking with our eyes.


	3. Float Risk

**Thank ****Chiisano Minako / Chizuru Chibi for the update as she dropped a subtle hint that I should update this and her review gave me a lot to think about. This chapter is dedicated to you!**

**Apologies for the lateness! This is quite sad until the end.**

**Thank you to all my reviewers who make me so happy and give me lots of pointers on how to improve I love you all for it!**

**Thank you to all those who put it on story alert over the last few weeks I love getting those emails!**

**There will be two more chapters after this cause this story just really doesn't want to go.**

A year passed since the night we overheard that conversation with the higher-ups. That night I found Teresa sitting on the grass beside our trailer, I watched her first, noticing how she let go of all of her hidden emotions in one sudden go. I'd watched her for the whole day, she'd pretended to be happy, smiling but those smiles never met her eyes. I had wondered how she could have the strength to hide all of her emotions until she found that one moment, now I know she had to do that with her brothers. After watching her cry for as much as I could take I came to sit beside her, I remember the wet grass beneath me, soaking through my clothes, I remember taking her hand and silently praying to a god I didn't believe in. I prayed that soon, one day things would change and she would be treated as the princess she is. That she wouldn't have to hide or pretend, that she could be real. That night the "God" if there really is one must have mentally abused me, punching my mind and shouting until I realised at exactly 3:04 that praying for her was worthless and that I was that one person who could help her.

Back to the passing of the year, the next day the folks of the circus were told of the new changes and we started training immediately. Working with Angela was hard, I was almost twenty as was she and the closest I'd ever been to a girl was a kiss on the cheek to Madame Losaline and sweet, kisses on the lips to Teresa, I'm more than ashamed to admit that I fell for Angela, hard. But I was knowledgeable enough to know I loved Teresa and what I felt for Angela was purely Lust. But what I hate more was I lost my mind when I was with Angela and one night we were practising our act, which was slowly becoming the best in the Carnival I kissed her, and not the sweet, soft, tender ones like those I'd given to Teresa many times before but one of those lip crushing, brain disappearing, tongues meeting and more kisses.

"Pat!" She moaned, bringing her hands to the back of my head.

I stayed quiet, my brain wasn't even registering what was happening, in fact I'm sure I left it in the trailer because I couldn't form a word, or the will power to break it off and remember.

She went further and it was only when my suit jacket fell to the sawdust covered floor that I noticed what was happening, I pulled back forcefully, wiping my mouth to rid the taste of raspberries from my mouth. I hated raspberries. I liked Strawberries. And when I looked up at Angela's face and saw the very attractive woman before me I also saw the very beautiful and pretty and kind girl in the curtains, stare at me with her eyes and mouth wide, before she ran off into the mess of the thick velvet, a draft of raven hair following her.

Get gun. Shoot Head. Die.

Nope, I don't even think I deserved to die fast.

Eat Poison. Chop off toe. Shoot Shoulder. Jump off cliff. Get eaten by shark. Spat out. Float to surface. Picked up by Pirates. Tortured. Sold to the Highest Bidder. Starve. Trampled on by horses. Die.

Or.

Apologise.

I am dreadfully glad Mini-me picked the third one.

I ran after her, we were at another beach site: something I'd been excited about when we first got here so I pattered down the hill wishing Ellie and Billy had had the patience to teach me balance when my father demanded they teach me gymnastics when I was four. I saw her walking through the waves, head down and covered in dark wisps, she was up to her knees in the icy cold winter water but it didn't seem to affect her at all.

I ran over to her. Cursing my actions. Didn't they say you got smarter with age? Phf. I was smarter as a twelve year old.

"Teresa?" I called, walking straight into the water, not caring if I got anything wet.

She kept on walking, ignoring me as she waded through the choppy waves.

"Tess?" I ask again, un-gracefully tripping over a rock and landing in the water face first.

She turned to see me and despite how angry she was with me she rushed over to help me, lifting my arm so I was standing up and checking me over.

"Are you okay?" She asks, examining a cut in my arm.

"Are you?" I ask, reaching my hand up and cupping her freezing cheek in my soggy hand.

"No." She replied. Knocking my hand off her cheek and staring up at me. Over the last year she had stayed a similar height while I shot up so now there was a considerable difference between us.

"Can I fix it?" I plead.

"No." She answers defiantly, turning away from me but not getting very far as I grab her arm.

"Please." I beg, tears threatening to escape as I hold onto her hoping that I can fix my mistake, hoping that I can get my best friend back, hoping that I can get the only girl I love back.

"No." She shakes her head, I can see the warm tears glazing her eyes but not falling.

"Please." I choke out, closing my eyes to let the tears fall. I prided myself in appearances, I never let my emotions come through this much but standing in front of her and realising what I did to her just made me forget all that. Sobs racked my body and the waterfall of tears cascaded over my cheeks and into the salt water circling our knees.

I watch her as she bites back the tears.

"Please, Teresa. I'm an idiot, I screwed up so bad. There are not words to describe how much I messed up but you have to understand dying would be a better punishment than losing you because I couldn't do that Teresa, I couldn't be me without you. I'm so sorry." I say, wishing there was better words to use.

I watch her watch me, our eyes not meeting.

"Please." I beg.

She turns her head away, blinking rapidly to cut the tears. She still had to hide, she still didn't let anyone see.

"Cry." I say, sliding my hand down her arm till we're holding hands. I give it a light squeeze and nod once. "It's okay to cry."

And then there was that moment, the one where you see your mum cry for the first time, the first time you see her so sad you wish you could help but there's nothing you can do. The moment when you see that one person who's always been so strong break in front of your very eyes. I saw Teresa let the tears fall so freely, agreed I had seen her cry on the grass before but this was so incredibly different. She looked at me as she cried, so vulnerable almost as if she was asking me what she should do. I could have sworn that was the exact moment my heart shattered into a thousand pieces of glass and cut everything. I wrapped my hands around her, protecting her from everything outside, I'd done this to her, I was the one I should have been protecting her from.

"I don't want to lose you." I whispered against her hair, my own tears still falling. I squeezed my arms tighter and tighter around her hoping I could just stick her to me and let the waves wash us away.

"I want to tell you I hate you. That you should leave me alone but I can't. I'm not strong enough. I love you too much to say stop." She whispers. I can barely hear her over the heavy wash of vicious waves but I know exactly what she's saying.

"Please, Please don't say stop." I plead.

She pulled away and looked up.

"Pause." She says softly, standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on my lips which I eagerly respond to.

I can feel her tongue run over the edge of my mouth, we've never ever gone that far before but the kiss is sending the words we can't say to each other so I oblige and open my mouth to let her enter. She doesn't attack me forcefully as Angela did she plays with my bottom lip, biting it softly and moves slowly. She's cautiously dancing around me, not sure at all.

She reels back, stepping back as far as she can while still in my grasp.

"Play." She states. The pause-play is something that she didn't realise then but would become a tradition in our family if we had a fight and we just needed that one hug from the other person or one kiss to help.

"I love you." I nod, scrunching my face up as the feeling of tears overcomes me again.

She nods timidly but doesn't answer, I watch her open her mouth as if to speak before a wave crashes over our heads. And I remember falling, going under. Watching grey water dance before my eyes, I remember seeing pictures. Our first meeting, the beach, in the town, breakfast the morning after everything happened, the girl behind the curtains, the kiss and then I saw snapshots of her lying in the water, her hair splashed out around her face, floating in the greyness. I saw a woman in a white gown and a veil, I saw two rings, I saw a party, a round tummy, a baby in a cot, a toddler and a smiley face in red biro that my mum would draw, on my little chart if I did something good.

I force myself to the lighter part of the grey and find myself breathing in fresh air, the waves floats back into the deeper sea and I'm left on my knees in water up to my waist.

"Teresa!" I shout, looking all around through my stinging eyes.

"Teresa!"

I scramble to my feet, rubbing my eyes in effort to clear them. I walk out of the water onto the sand, my clothes are heavy and sore against my skin but I walk further along the sand, picking up the pace as I see a flash of Barbie-Pink.

"Teresa!" I call, crashing in the sand before her. I roll her over and beg her to wake up. I can feel her pulse under my hand which is wrapped around her wrist.

She chokes and splutters, lazily opening her eyes.

I smile, happy for just a moment and I pick her up in my arms. I revel in just being able to hold her.

"I love you." I repeat. "I love you so much."

"You too." She croaks.

-CarnieLife-

"Let's hold the walks on the beach for a little while." I whisper, holding her in my arms as we lie under the covers of the tiny couch bed.

She chuckles sleepily against me, she's still so cold. I mean she was always cold, especially her feet but now even after being under the covers amongst three hot water bottles she had still been cold so he had jumped in with her and after laying like that for four hours she was only slightly warmer.

"As much as I love them, you're too much of a float risk."

"Shuddup." She mumbles.

"Okay, well you go to sleep." I nod.

"Done." She yawns. Fitting more tightly into the crook in my neck.

After a minute of being alone with my thoughts I turned my attention back to her, I could feel her breathing against my chest and I knew she wasn't asleep so I decided to say what I'd been thinking.

"Marry me?"

**Review if you have the time, I will accept all "Finally!'s and At last!'s" **

**Sorry 'bout the cliff-hanger, the next chapter will be up soon!**


	4. 10 000

**For Tiva4evaxxx, JeanMathis, Amri91, Brown Eyes Parker and Chiisano Minako.**

**JeanMathis I couldn't find a way to reply to you so: Thank you ever so much and well, here it is! **

**Short Chapter, not quite sure if I like it or not but I'll let you decide. Thanks so much for the brilliant reviews!**

So I guess, I should tell you the answer. Well...

She said no.

A month later she turned twenty years old; in less than a month I would be twenty-one. It was that night we realised we were adults who were still children. We were oblivious to the outer world, we lived together like a married couple since my father went missing but we scarcely made any money, we didn't know much, we were never going to go to university or college, we hadn't been teenagers and we hadn't done that. I remember her lying in my arms as we watched an old movie on the tiny, grainy satellite T.V we had bought months ago as we heard the usual sounds of packing the tent into a lorry and each and every stall and ride being shut down and folded into the Lorries piece by piece. We should have been helping but lately the carnival was losing everything, no-one wanted to come and see a carnival anymore, especially if the clowns were fat and depressed, the performers were older and lazier and the animals consisted of two budgies. Angela was gone, her whole family had had to leave when I cancelled the act with Angela and her brother Danny started using. For the last month me and Teresa had discussed leaving, actually more than discussed. After she said no we sat up all night talking about where we would go and what we would do. We agreed that after she turned twenty we'd pick up and leave.

Leaving the carnival would be hard, getting into the carnival had been hard, getting out was going to be much harder. Kind of like a gang just without the guns and death. And it would be harder considering the carnival relied on my act to keep it alive. Teresa had been working harder than anyone in the carnival lately, doing odd jobs on the side like cleaning trailers, teaching the carnival kids and doing the laundry no-one ever had time to do anymore. She was tired and anyone could tell just by watching the way her hair fell limp, circles under her eyes darkened by the passing days and her smile was so rarely seen by anyone besides the kids and me that she was working too hard. I stroked her ebony hair, watching her relax against me; I let my hand wander up the ivory skin she had hidden by the grey t-shirt, creeping beneath the fabric. She was cold as always and I could feel her shiver as my warm hands sent warmth through her cream skin.

"What are you doing?" She asked smiling, half watching the grey blobs on the T.V and half asleep.

"I like you." I mumble into her ear, she laughs and reaches a hand up, wrapping it around my neck and her fingers twisting my hair into curls.

"I like you too."

"I'm going to the carnival heads today, to talk about getting out." I say, I had set up the meeting the day before and I was neither dreading it nor looking forward to it.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asks, I know she's working tonight. Looking after the kids again.

"No, it's fine. Just be there when I get out please." I ask, my hand sliding further till it's on the small of her back.

"I will." She smiles.

I lean down and purse my lips around the weak spot on her neck, sucking softly as she squirms. We'd done this a lot now, ever since the Angela Chapter we'd gone further than we had, still taking it slow as we possibly could. I knew where she was ticklish and I knew when she needed a kiss or a hug or just a lazy moment where the world disappeared and she stayed right by me.

"We're getting out." I whisper.

"We're getting out." She repeats.

-CarnieLife-

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" She asks, grabbing her jacket and rummaging to find the keys that always seemed to be lost.

"Yeah. Just be home, when I get back." I smile, swinging her missing keys on my finger, amusing myself.

"I've already organised it with the kid's. Short English lesson today."

"You're a great teacher, ever think of becoming a real one?" I ask, switching the keys onto my other hand.

"Don't have the education, I'd much rather become a cop or something. I could get the degree and the training." She answers, picking up the pillows on the couch we'd been lying on all afternoon and digging her hand into the crease of the sofa.

"You've thought about it?" I ask I didn't really know what her life was beyond the carnival and the few years I'd known her for.

"Just lately." She shrugs. "Now where are my keys?"

She turns around and looks at me, frowning as she sees the silver flash spinning around my finger.

"I hate you." She glares, grabbing the keys from my hand and walking to the kitchenette. "I do."

I laugh and follow her, standing behind her as she pours a glass of water for herself and taking a sip.

"Love you too dear." I smile, that million dollar smile that causes girls to squeal, women to fan their faces and grannies to swoon and give me their underwear. Yes, it has happened.

"Bye." She smiles, dropping the water down the sink and leaving the tumbler on the kitchen-top. She kissed me goodbye and headed out the small door.

"See you." I reply, to the emptiness of the caravan.

Noting the time on the big clock I wandered through to the box we called a cupboard and pulled out the suit I had bought in the last town. I had all my past suits in another box, the ones that were too small for me now but I couldn't bring myself to give away.

Pulling the white shirt over my head I swapped it for the pale blue shirt that Teresa bought me for my last birthday. Slipping into the waistcoat without buttoning it up I grabbed the trousers and the jacket making my way to the small bathroom. Changing quickly from my stripy pyjama's bottoms to the pinstriped grey work-trousers that matched my outfit so well I grabbed the blue toothbrush from the tiny pot with a picture of Barbie on it and the bubble gum flavoured toothpaste-we still use that- and set about doing the morning ritual at half past six in the evening.

After washing up I quickly left the caravan and made my way to the picnic bench where my future, our future would be decided.

-Carnie Life-

"Hello Patrick." Holly smiled, she was aging noticeably now. Her once perfect features sliding into a mask of the years gone by. She was sat beside her daughter, a four year old toddler called Josie who was scribbling with wax crayons on a colouring book that looked as old as her mum.

I smile, not brave enough to reply and I sit down at the other side of the bench beside a weary looking clown in orange trousers and a rainbow striped shirt.

"So why did you need to call us here?" Ted asked, he had taken over managerial duties ever since Joel passed away a year ago.

"I wanted to talk to you about leaving the carnival." I squeak, a manly squeak, well as manly as a squeak could possibly be

"Why?" Holly asked, I couldn't reads what she was thinking at all like I usually could, I saw flashes of anger, hope, dreams and remembrance in her eyes but couldn't dictate the story.

"I want to start a family with Teresa but I don't want my family to be living in a caravan. I want to have a proper home, I don't want my kids to grow up the way I did." I say, looking at the tiny spider crawling across the table.

"So you and Teresa would be leaving?" Holly asked, looking at me then back to her daughter, who sat obliviously colouring a unicorn in her book.

"Yes, if you'll let me." I add.

"When would you want to leave?" Holly asked, I notice Ted's unusually silent form beside me, deep in thought.

"Truthfully, as soon as possible." I nod.

"Ted, what are you thinking?" Holly asked the man.

"You can't." He says, in those two simple words I feel my heart clench and tighten, I hope he'll say more, change his mind. Something.

"Why?" I ask, a lump forming in my throat.

"Patrick do you remember your father?" Ted asks. He asks me the question like I'm a twelve year old whose father left when I was four.

"Of course I do." I reply. Wondering what on Earth this has to do with me and Teresa leaving the Carnival.

"Your father owes the carnival more than $10,000, so you either find him or you have to pay it before you leave." Ted announced.

-Carnie Life-

I fumble with the keys, opening the door to the caravan which if I had been paying attention I would have realised was already open. Damn my father, I knew he was a gambler, and idiot and a drunk but I never would have guessed he owed so much to the carnival. I never fully understood why he disappeared, I had my imagination which conjured up all possible reasons why he didn't come home that one night but out of that million I never ever guessed he had money problems that big. I shoved the door with my shoulder, hoping it to open. Getting frustrated when it didn't.

"Damn it." I curse, battering on the door with my fist. "Damn it, damn it."

"Patrick?" I hear her voice from behind me and suddenly everything sorts itself into place and I fall to the ground, my back against the tire of the caravan, my head in my hands. I can feel her sit beside me; wrap a long thin arm around my shoulders and rest her head in the crook of my neck. "What happened?"

I can't even write what I told her because truthfully I don't know myself. I didn't tell her what happened, I told her the story of my childhood before I met her, when I was Patrick Jane, son of Evan Jane. I can remember occasional syllables but that memory is the only thing that ever escaped me. I'll always wonder how she understood me but she did and I can remember her asking me what this had to do with what happened but not getting an answer then her helping me stand up and me getting a good look at her. The red shirt and jeans she had been wearing the last time I saw her were replaced with a simple black dress, her hair was done in the pretty curls that cascaded down her face to her shoulders, she carried a bag from the supermarket we'd learnt was down the road and she wore a soft layer of makeup on her face. The gold cross she never took off lay on her collarbone and the plastic bracelet that I had given her years ago adorned her cream wrist.

"You're all dressed up." I state, in a quiet whisper.

"I wanted to surprise you." She smiles; she takes the key from my hand and opens the door, holding it open for me to walk through. Our tiny caravan was decorated with four candles in the corner of the room and a fleece blanket and pillows on the floor, my mouth drops open and I look at her. She smiles back and takes my hand.

"What happened?" She asks, placing the bag by the door as she closes it and drags me to the couch where she sits me down beside her. Instead of talking I cup her cheeks with my hands and kiss her once on the lips. Twisting a curl round my finger I release it and watch it spring back into place, my forehead rests on hers and she's watching me so intently I can feel those tea green orbs burning into my skin. I want to be able to look at her, tell her everything's good, everything's fine and we can get out but I find it hard to meet her gaze and even harder to speak.

"Pa..." She's cut off by the force of my lips against hers. She obliges and pulls at my collar bringing me down as she leans back. My arms wrap around her back, my left hand in her hair, holding it in a messy bun while her arms wrap around my neck. She draws back slightly, enough so she can talk.

"What happened?" She asks, it's that voice of pure concern and worry. The one that I'd never heard before she came. And that was when I remembered, it was her. She was the one that cared for me, she was the one that loved me, she was the one that my world centred around. She was the one person who could make it all better.

"We can't leave." I sob, managing to choke out the three words.

"Why?" She asks, her thumb wiping away the tears from my face.

"Because my father left and he owes the circus money and now I have to pay it all back but I can't. It's too much." I blurt out in a breath.

"How much?" She asks.

"10,000."

-Carnie Life-

"I worked it out." I call, climbing into the driver's side of our Chevy truck.

"So?" She asks, as I heave myself into the seat I can see her picking out a CD from the little case, our caravan is attached to the back of the truck and we're waiting for our turn to head out. I watch as the lorries and vans tumble out in file as I rev up the engine, finding a space I jump in between Holly and another Lorry.

"Seven Years till all the debt is paid off." I answer, ejecting the CD from the player and letting her slot in the new disc. Soon the sounds of the Greatest Christmas Hits belt out from the speakers, sure it's June and the sun is at its warmest in this little town but Christmas Songs are happy and deserve to be played all year round.

"Really?" She frowns, rolling her window down.

"At least." I reply. "I'm really sorry Teresa."

"You don't have anything to apologise for Patrick. None of this is your fault and this is not just for you to do alone." She states, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I wish I could change it though Tess. You deserve to get out but I'm keeping you back."

"Patrick." She starts. "Don't call me Tess."

"Kay, Karate Girl." I smile, sticking my tongue out at the use of her nickname.

"And don't you dare think your holding me back, Patrick I'm not leaving here, not without you. We're in the long run and we're side by side, together." She adds.

"Actually it's more knee by side. Slight height difference." I joke, receiving a slap on the shoulder.

"Have a holly jolly Christmas, and when you walk down the street, say hello to friends you know and everyone you meet." I sing, ignoring the coming bruise on my arm and her typical eye roll.


	5. Never Tried True Loves Kiss

**I just realised I called the last chapter 10 000 and in fact I had 10 000 words on my story thanks to that chapter. Yay!**

**For Brown Eyes Parker, Lysjelonken, Tiva4evaxxx, ****Chiisana Minako and PetitJ whose reviews are amazing and awesome and so inspiring!**

**Anyone who hasn't already seen the preview for season 4, I just saw it and it rocks. Go onto YouTube and type in the mentalist Jane in Jail and click the CBS one! Then please come back and read this once you've recovered.**

Two years and only 800 dollars paid later we were in the sunny California in a pretty little park in the centre of Sacramento. We had to move onto bigger cities now the Carnival was living on a mere hundred pound every month and we would be staying longer than the usual week considering we had two shows a day for two weeks straight and the Carnival open for 3 weeks so after being told we were staying camp for a month me and Teresa decided to take a drive through the busy streets, usually we would have just walked, leaving the truck beside all the lorries and vans but you needed a car here. Parking in a twelve storey car park-never again will we drive all the way to the top- we took the slightly gross elevator down to the bottom floor and made our way out into the sea of tank tops and Hawaiian shirts that looked like someone had just walked through a toddler's art class. We stood out like a ferry between kayaks, my three piece suit looking like a fancy dress costume rather than a sophisticated piece of clothing and her midnight dark hair standing out against the wave of chestnut and bleach blonde and her pale skin looking off between everyone's golden tans. Taking in the tall buildings we wandered along the pavement big enough for a car. We stopped at a small coffee shop across the road from a rather important building surrounded by a high wall and black gates with security guards in a box beside them.

On entering we were greeted by the strong smell of coffee and pastry. Sitting down at a booth with red leather seats we ordered two doughnuts, coffee for her and tea for me.

"I think I'm going to try and get a job here." She announces, fingering the cross on her neck.

"Here?" I ask, pointing to the table.

"No, this place makes me want coffee; I'd drink way too much." She chuckles.

"Honey, you drink about seven cups of coffee a day already. No wonder you're so small." I smirk, leaning back in my seat.

"I'm not small and don't call me honey." She frowns, sticking her tongue out childishly.

"Sorry, petite then, my dear." I grin. She glares at me with her eyes but she's trying not to laugh. "Why do you want a job, you already work about three."

"It would help pay the debt off, I could work at a cafe or something." She shrugs.

"You're already paying most of it off; you've paid off more than I have. And it's my debt." I voice the thought that has been echoing in my head for the last year.

"We're in this together." She smiles.

"I know but I hate seeing you work so hard. I'd rather you quit all your jobs than start another." I say, thanking the woman who brought our cups and pastries over.

"Well how about I stop doing errands for people, I stop being the laundry girl and I start the new job here. Then I'll only be working three jobs." She suggests, sipping the steaming, murky liquid.

"Fine but after we pay off 5,000 you're not paying any more." I say forcefully.

"Maybe." She replies.

"Why are you so stubborn?" I ask playfully, tracing the rim of my blue cup.

"Because if I wasn't both of us would have been arrested for one of your crazy stunts." She grins.

"Meh." I shrug, looking into the creamy tea, remembering some of the 'crazy stunts' she was referring to.

-Carnie Life-

"I'm going to go look for any positions available, we still have half an hour till we have to be back at the circus, do you wanna come with me?" She asked, hauling her hair from the collar of her jacket.

"I think I'll go look around some of the shops for a while, I think you'll be better without me. Less trouble." I grin.

"True." She smiles.

"Meet back here in twenty minutes?" I ask.

"Sure." She nods, standing on her tiptoes and kissing me on the cheek. "Miss you." She whispers.

"Miss you too." I smile, anyone listening would have been tempted to either burst out laughing or throw up but it was true. I would miss her, the longest we'd ever spent apart was when she was teaching and even then I always came into her makeshift classroom while she was teaching and sat at the back halfway through her lesson.

"See ya." She waves, wandering off into the crowds of people. As tempted as I am to follow her I wander the other way.

Childishly avoiding stepping on the cracks I dance my way down the street until I stop outside a pretty little shop with a crowd of men standing outside. I look in the window and see jewellery and scarves adorning shelves after shelves. Thinking of the plastic green bracelet I bought her all those years ago for a dollar I fish into my pocket and feel for the ten dollars inside, she was twenty two years old and because I'd given her this bracelet she would always wear it when we did something special together, yet it was a cluster of plastic green beads strung together on a piece of elastic made for a four year old. Entering the shop I squeeze through the crowd of women talking to each other, fingering expensive earrings and sniffing pretty candles. I wander over to the section where a piece of grass could get lost and gaze completely lost at the green rings, bracelets and earrings. I imagine each one on her, ignoring the necklaces for I knew it would never get worn.

"Can I help you sir?" An exotic voice met my ears and I hoped she wasn't talking to me. The fact I was the only man not outside waiting for what seems like hours on their girl evaded me.

"No, I'm fine." I nod, not turning around.

"Okay, well if you need me." She says cheerily.

I pick up a bracelet that looks vaguely like the one she already has just a lot more real, it has a mixture of shades of green beads and their chained together on brown leather. It's very Teresa, different but simply beautiful.

I seep through the crowd to the counter where I put the bracelet on the counter. The woman smiles brightly and takes it. Slipping it into a bag she types it into her register. "Eight dollars please." She asks, handing me the bag as I hand her the ten.

"She must be a very special lady." She grins, handing me my change. Her overly bright persona is freaking even me out.

"She is." I nod, legging it to the door and not looking back.

"Brave lad." One of the men from the pack chuckles.

I raise my eyebrows and nod, plastering a fake smile on my face.

-Carnie Life-

"Well hello stranger." She remarked, lying in the bed of the truck, her back propped up against the wall.

"Hello Ma'am." I grin, dropping into a bow.

"You're late." She comments.

"I lost track of time." I shrug, climbing into the back with her.

"You lost track of time while wandering endlessly through a street?" She asked.

"Yip, thinking about you." I chuckle, swooping down and kissing her quickly on the lips.

"Aww, well aren't you the romantic." She smiles, rolling her eyes.

"I try." I smile. "How did job hunting go?"

"A bar a few blocks up is hiring, don't need experience and the pay's good." She states.

"Gonna do it?" I ask.

"Try, it's a Western style and the catch is waitress' have to twang and they have a uniform." She frowns.

"Oo, what kind of uniform?" I smirk, raising my eyebrows suggestively. She whacks me on the shoulder and laughs.

"If it's like that then I won't take the job."

"Aww." I pout jokingly.

"Let's get back, give you something to focus on instead of letting that imagination run wild." She smiles, she hauls herself up and jumps over the edge, gracefully and cat like.

I try it and I end up land very painfully on my feet and I hobble to the driver's side.

"Let's go old man." She laughs, climbing into the passenger's side.

"Shut up." I mumble, strapping my seat belt in and chuckling.

"I love you whatever age you are." She smiles, fluttering her eyelashes innocently.

"Suck up." I say, revving the engine and shifting gears so the contraption of rust, metal and rust starting moving.

Arriving at the Carnival she hops out as I find a parking place between two lorries that made my trusty truck look like a toy. I watch her run to the tent for a moment before I unlatch myself and open the door. I need to go to the Circus tent right away to get changed and hopefully be on time for the rehearsal for once and I need to hide the bracelet that now resides in my pocket.

"Pat, you're late." Holly calls from behind me. I hop out of the truck and turn to face her.

"I was trying to be early I promise." I smile.

"Get a move on, Ted's in another one of his bad moods." Holly warned.

"Yes Miss." I salute, before running off and entering through the back of the tent.

"Jane!" A sharp, hoarse voice greets me as I enter.

"I'm sorry Ted." I reply meekly, wandering through to the small changing room while Ted follows.

"You're always late, always. And you still expect me to pay you. Buck up lad because I'm not giving you anymore money till you work for it. And considering you still have that pretty little sum to pay up I advise you to get a move on." Ted barks.

"I'm sorry." I repeat, throwing my jacket onto the bench and unbuttoning my waistcoat.

"Why the hell do you where that damn monkey suit, who do you think you are. Sherlock Holmes? You're a Carnie, you're a loser. Get used to it." Ted snapped.

I roll my eyes and watch him leave. Yip, that's exactly what I was, Until I got out of here I was a loser, a low life putting on a leotard for a living and scamming innocent people for their hard earned money. I couldn't even pay the debt my father left.

Changing into the blue leotard I had just seen Ted wearing a duplicate of-awful mental image believe me-I made my way through the tattered velvet curtains and into the harsh white light of the spotlight. I scanned the small crowd of circus people standing around the stage and see her. She's got the too big black T-shirt on and it looks like she's been swallowed by it. She smiles at me and waves. She doesn't approve of what I do but she'll be the first to congratulate me on a show or wish me good luck before one.

-Carnie Life-

"Nice outfit." She smirks, latching onto my arm while looking me up and down.

"I still look hot." I shrug, pulling my jacket over my chest. Waistcoat, jacket and leotard not much of a catwalk design.

"Keep telling yourself that." She smiles, patting me on the back.

I pout, feigning being offended and she laughs, hopping up the iron grate stairs and unlocking our caravan door.

"Oh, grow up. You look about four when you do that." She smiles, taking my jacket and hanging it on a makeshift hook on the back of the door.

"So do you but you do it all the time." I counter, sticking my tongue out at her.

"I'm allowed to, you like when I do it." She reasons.

"True but I don't see the fairness in it at all." I frown, collapsing onto the tattered couch.

"You get to grin your way out of everything because I love your smile but I can't." She says, hauling her oversized black T-shirt over her head.

"Honest eyes." I comment, watching her as she folded the mass of black cotton in her jeans and bra.

"What?" She asks turning to look at me.

"Honest eyes, you can't lie your way out of anything because your eyes tell all." I shrug as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh really?" She asks, walking over and standing over me a cute smile on her face complete with her dusky pink cheeks.

"Really." I smile, looking in her eyes but finding my eyes slip.

"So what eyes do you have?" She asks, kneeling so her heads at my level as I lie on the couch.

"Mad, crazy, lust filled, love filled." I say, using the voice that makes the intended victim swoon.

"Flirt." She grins, leaning down and leaving a soft kiss on my lips before standing up and wandering back over to the black square on the single pullout bed we still used although there was a double bed in the back room of the caravan that hadn't been slept in since I was three and my mother died.

"True." I shrug, reclining back, my arm supporting my head as I watched her.

"I'm going for a shower, do you want the T.V?" She asks, slipping out of her jeans and padding over to the kitchenette where the hand sized T.V sat with an aerial the size of my head.

"Nah, mindless drama about cops falling madly in love in the workplace bores me." I frown.

"You watch that eerie one every day." She chuckles.

"The girl in it reminds me of you." I smile.

"The depressed one?" She asks.

"No the happier one." I explain.

"There's a happier one?" She smirks, disappearing into the tiny bathroom.

Hearing the shower switch on I stand up, falling back down and clutching my spinning head I try again and remain vertical. Padding over to the kitchenette I grab the candles stored in the top cupboard, turning around I trip on the stool she uses to get to the highest shelf. Laughing and clutching my toe, still balancing the armful of candles between one arm and my chest I ungracefully hop my way to the couch. Dropping everything on the coffee table I shove the couch to the very back of the wall, hearing an unhealthy crash and clunk I look behind the couch and see that vase I didn't really like in pieces on the floor. Why it was there I didn't know but I quickly swept the pieces under the couch and shoved it back that tad bit more. Crawling over to the coffee table I pulled that back to the couch, who knew a slab of glass supported by three and a half legs could be so heavy? Finishing that I placed the candles neatly on the table then grabbed the blanket that lay over the side of the couch and laid it on the floor, rolling it up when necessary. Hauling the bed pillows down and bringing the sheet with me I added that to the blanket on the floor, it looked more like a secret den right now instead of a cute, romantic even moment. Shutting the blinds on the small windows I took the matchstick from the packet and lit the candles carefully without burning my finger, a pain I had endured more than enough times.

We had an hour and a bit before the first show of the city started so I swapped my leotard and waistcoat for a t-shirt and jeans. Items of clothing she was shocked I even owned never mind occasionally wore. Hearing the shower switch off I ran to my jacket and dug out the small pink bag before leaping onto the mountain of pillows and fixing myself so I was comfortable and could see her when she came out. She wandered out of the bathroom in a paisley print towel in a vicious orange and pink. Her hair was towelled dried and sat curly around her collarbone and shoulders.

"What's this?" She asked, smiling and nervously pulling her towel up a bit, then pulling it down at the bottom as if to make it grow and cover more of her.

"Surprise." I grinned; she laughed at my smile and wiped a tendril of dark wave away from her face.

"It's beautiful." She smiled. "Can I get dressed first?"

I shake my head and she throws the tiny pillow that was left on the bed at me, darkening her eyes at me. She grabs my T-shirt that I slept in and wanders back into the bathroom before emerging in the T-shirt that was even bigger than the black one she had to wear working backstage, her underwear and a clip holding back her messy curls. Lying beside me she pulls her legs beneath her and rests her head on my shoulder.

"So what's this surprise for?" She asks, clasping her hand around mine.

"I bought you something." I say, using my free hand to delve into the pink bag and pull out the black velvet one.

She looks at me quizzically but takes the bag, pulling on the little ties it opens and she dips her fingers in, pulling out the leather bracelet with the forest of green beads.

"It's really beautiful, thank you so much." She smiles, hugging me tightly. I stay quiet enjoying the embrace and because my mind went blank for things to say so I wrapped my arms around her and kept her there, my chin on her head.

"What's it for?" She asks.

"Can I not buy you something without there being a reason?" I ask.

"Everything with you is for a reason." She replies, whispering softly her voice laced with the raspy touch.

"There's two reasons for this if you must know then. The first is that your too old to be wearing that plastic bracelet as your special jewellery." I was cut off by her bringing her wrist up so I could see the green plastic bracelet on her pale skin.

"This one?" She asks, fingering it and spinning it around on her wrist.

"Yes, and secondly because you said we were in this together and I love you for that." I smile.

"I'm sure that's three." She smiles, brushing her thumb over my cheek.

"I've never been any good at Maths." I smile, pressing a kiss to her thumb.

"Fine by me." She smiles, rolling around so she was on her hands and knees and pressing her lips to my own, closing my eyes and I let my hands rise to her cheeks, one round her neck and unlatching her hair from the clip and letting it fall to her shoulders in a tumble of wet tendrils, getting small cold drips on my face.

"I love you." I mutter against her lips, not waiting for an answer but joining them together again, letting her taste burn my thoughts away, my worries and my problems. The person who said "nothing ever makes everything all better" obviously never tried kissing your one true love.


	6. Enough

**Okay so here is the long long awaited chapter for me and you both, due to my friend being in and out of hospital and operations in the last week and re-decorating the house I haven't had the time or the space or the inspiration really to be writing.**

**Happy (Very Belated) Birthday to ****Chiisana Minako. **

**Thank you for all who reviewed and are not going to kill me for the lateness of this update which I sincerely apologise for.**

On her first night of work a week later she left during the performance so I hadn't gotten to see her; however I planned to visit her even though she had warned me that if I came and screwed this up for her she would not hesitate to kill me. Dear Teresa-Challenge Accepted.

Throwing yet another item of clothing in the pile I hold up the next item, sighing as I look it over I throw it over my shoulder where a pile of clothes is building and growing until soon it will bury me completely for Teresa to find me in a few hour. Looking at the bright red lines blaring on the clock above on the cupboard I groaned, I had been looking through this never-ending pile of shirts for the last five minutes, I had to leave in ten. Grabbing the hunted shirt I picked up the jeans that I had left on the floor and wandered through to the mainroom, slipping out of the glittery, silver jacket that left a trail of sparkles wherever it went. The show costume looked more like a child had been playing with glitter and glue beside a funny cut suit rather than a professional attire. Hauling the hated pink shirt over my head after opening only the top two buttons I shivered as the cold November air engulfed my bare flesh; living in a tin can did nothing for keeping the heat in. Pulling the matching sparkly trousers down over my shoes and kicking them off as they caught around my ankles I grabbed the shirt that had taken all that time to find and slipped my shivering arms into it. Leaving it open for a moment as I slipped into the jeans, fighting to get the tight fabric over the shoes I refused to take off. I shoved the hat that I had wanted so badly after seeing Teresa's onto my un-tamed curls and as I buttoned the shirt I wandered through to the bathroom to inspect my appearance.

I had expected to look charming, muscled, cowboy-like, handsome, perfect, a real southern charmer.

I looked like one of the village people.

-CL-

Running through the already dark outdoors I felt my heart shiver in my chest, it was so cold for the supposed Golden State. My feet hurt as they slammed against the concrete, trying to remember why I thought running would be a good way to get there I missed a few runners who were out together, softly padding along the pavement in shorts and vests that stopped long before the hips talking to each other as if they were on the phone, sitting in their nice warm houses. Slowing pace I turned the corner, knowing now in only a few minutes I would be greeted by the smell of whiskey, beer, sweat and cheap cologne. And of course the heat and warmth and the love of my life.

Who as I looked through the tainted windows I could see was passing drinks to a table of burly men playing poker in a faded pair of dungaree's that was cut so you could see the bare, white skin of her sides and the cropped white T-shirt beneath it. Her dark hair was tied in two plaits and had a hat matching his own on top. They were tied in little slithers of ribbon and apart from her obvious curves and older features she looked like a six-year old farmer's daughter. I pulled the front of my hat down so eyes and nose were hidden, as long as I didn't smile I wouldn't be given away. Holding the door I tested out an accent.

"Howdy." I tested, my voice far too low and fake to work. I felt like laughing at the absurdity of it all.

"Howdy." I repeated, I choked on the feel of the strange voice vibrating in my mouth.

"Howdy." I said, normally with a hint of the South. I felt like banging my head on the wall.

"Howdy Stranger." A waitress smiled from behind him, clad in tiny shorts and a red checked shirt tied beneath her bust. Her boots and hat matching with the same cow print on them.

"Hi." I smile turning round. Yes after three rounds of Howdy, I say Hi.

"What you doin' out here?" She asked, hauling a cigarette out of her bag.

"Getting a little fresh air." I say.

"Why you here? Waitin' on your girl?" She asks, lighting the poison in her hand.

"Yeah, I'm going to surprise her." I smile.

"I haven't seen you around before; you must be Tessa's man." She nods, exhaling a cloud of grey.

I nod and cough as trace of the inhuman air floated by me.

"She's a real hard worker, could earn a little more if she dropped a few buttons if you know what I mean." She said, extinguishing the glowing rod on the wall.

"She's not the type." I say honestly, I know Teresa better than I know myself, one thing she wouldn't do was make herself as exposed as that. Not that she was prude or self-conscious I had seen her body countless times she just wouldn't make herself vulnerable especially in front of the sleazy, ill-mannered men that gathered in that bar.

"Shame, she's a real beauty." The woman smiled. "I never would have done something like that either until I had my boys, I've found now that if we want to eat then Mama's gotta do something's she's not proud of."

"I'm sorry." I nod, my life seems to involve that word a lot, whether its meant or whether it's just the thing I've learnt to say. The lines are blurred nowadays.

"So do you want me to tell her you're out here?" She asked.

"No, I'll just be a minute." I say, looking at the grey stone beneath my feet.

"Okay, well partner, I gotta go back in. See ya." She chuckled, pulling at the door and wandering in.

I take a deep breath and follow, the smell of alcohol, cigars and sweat met me as well as the heat of the fireplace in the corner beneath the moose who was staring intently at the main table on a board of wood.

Cowboy bar.

I pull the front of my hat down a little and wander over to bar and sit down on one of the stools.

"Hey Cowboy, what can I get you." The woman at the bar asked, polishing the inside of a glass with a towel.

"Ginger Beer." I nod, out of the corner of my eye watching the stocky brunette who was picking up empty glasses from a table where a couple sat in the corner, hidden partially by a fake cactus with rosettes stuck to its spikes.

"Right up." She smiled. I don't pay much attention as the target of my obsession wanders closer.

And closer.

She passes me and I reach out a hand and hit her softly on her dungarees clad backside.

"Sir." She exclaims in disgust, I knew for a fact if she wasn't trying to keep this job she would have hit them back. Harder.

I lift my hat up and smile. She glares in return and uses the towel she's got balancing on the black tray to hit me.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, placing the tray on the counter and walking round to the other side so we're separated by the chunk of varnished wood.

"I came to see my favourite girl." I grin.

"If our manager had seen you, you would have been kicked out. There was a guy hitting on Becky a little while ago who got thrown out." She whispers.

"Well he shouldn't employ such hot cowgirls then." I shrug, thanking the waitress as she hands me the Ginger Beer.

"Hush. Those two big guys in the corner aren't decorations." She says, pointing to the two men beside the door, where I had been.

"So what's the buy in?" I ask, turning her attention to the poker table in the centre.

"You don't have enough."

"How do you know?"

"Hundred bucks a play." She answers, hanging the clean glasses above her head on the black frame.

"No problem."

"Patrick you don't have a hundred bucks."

"No, but you do." I smile.

"No I don't."

"Sixty in the truck in case you needed to fill up, twenty in your back pocket and a few tips in your bra."

"How did you?" She asked, folding her arms to cover her chest.

"I know you." I shrug, taking a sip of the fowl tasting liquid.

"Promise me you'll triple it then." She smirks.

"And more." I smile as she places the notes she had on her in my hand.

"I'll be back in a minute." I grin, disappearing out of the bar.

-CL-

"So how much did you win?" She asks, clambering into the passenger seat of the truck.

"Enough." I smile.

"Enough for what?" She asks looking me up and down.

"Freedom." I say, clasping her cheek in my hand.

Her green eyes stare brightly at me, her face in shock and her mouth dropped into a dusky pink o.

"You mean..." She starts unable to finish and I nod, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the strawberry-chap stick tainted lips.


	7. I love you

**Really short chapter, but it's just a cute one that I wrote in the space of a few minutes that I decided that it would be sweeter if I left it where I did. **

**Also I'm back to school now after the holidays so this is my way of saying "farewell" to the holidays that have been truthfully really crappy for lack of a better word. It should also mean I'll have more regular updates because for some strange reason I have more time to write when I'm at school mostly because my whole week is planned by three timetables.**

**Thank you to Lianna-Snow for the review, is this quick enough for you? Also my friend is better but annoyed at the nurses for they left out the fact that she can't go to school until she has a second operation which they never told her about! **

"I want out." I say forcefully, standing in the doorway of the small caravan.

The three members inside look up, Holly with a soft smile on her wearing face, Ted with his trademark scowl and little Josie with her long hair tied in two plaits grinning toothlessly from her spot beside her mother where a clown and ballerina doll lay floppy in each of her tiny hands.

"You were told the conditions Patrick." Ted said, sighing with his head balanced on his hand, his fingers massaging the skin beneath them.

"I have the money." I explain.

"No you don't." Ted snorted. "I pay you; I know the financials of everyone here. The Carnival hasn't made 10, 000 in the last few years so there's no way you can have it."

"I have the money." I repeat, "Would you like to see it?"

"Fine, you show me the money and we'll see." He frowned.

"Here." I press a wad of notes on the table before him, tied by one of Teresa's hair-ties.

"How?" Holly asked, looking up at me.

"Are we going to ask how or are you going to let me and Tess go?" I ask.

"Teresa was always allowed to go." She answers.

"What about me?"

"You have the rest of the week to work, on Sunday we'll talk." Ted said, fingering the bills, counting under his breath.

I wanted to argue, I wanted to get out today not wait four days but I shut my mouth and wandered out without a word.

-CL

"Are you okay?" She asked, placing her tiny hand over mine, innocently stroking my cheek with the other.

"I wanted our life to be started by now." I frown, twisting a raven lock around my finger.

"It has, just because we've been trapped here doesn't mean our life hasn't started, I love you Patrick if I'd never come to the circus I never would have met you, I never would have fallen in love with you, I never would have realised just how much you mean to me, or how brilliant you are. I came here to get away from my life, I lost the old Teresa and I became Teresa Jane." She smiles, the pure rawness of her speech and the tears dripping from her pink cheeks makes me hold her tighter and struggle to keep the beads of hot, liquid that are threatening to fall from my blurry eyes.

"I love you too Teresa Jane." I whisper, pressing a series of kisses into the dark sea of her soft hair.

She lifts her head and presses a kiss to my lips, soft and full of promises and hope. Kissing back feels so easy. I let my hand fall from her hair down her neck to wrap around her waist and she uses her hands to cup my cheeks and despite the room being lit by twenty three candles and the heating on full blast her small, pale hands were as cold as always. She pulls away and I watch her watch me, admiring the swollen lips and tousled dark hair I take her back to my own lips, saying things that no words have ever been made to explain.

The couch beneath us creaks as she moves to be on top of me, I feel the tiniest pressure on my chest but other than that I don't recognise her weight upon me. Her lips never leave mine as she dips a freezing hand beneath my shirt, making me shiver for more than the obvious reason. Her hand crawls along my chest, leaving a trail of spots on my skin that feel as if her fingertips still press them, her hand lingers on my chest, flat out and she takes her lips from mine.

I can just see her green eyes for the dark pupils almost cover the whole of the sea-green orbs I wake up to every morning.

I look at her, asking a question only she can hear.

She nods, a curtain of soft hair flowing from behind her ears.

So I pick her up, one hand lifting her the other resting on the back of her head as she wraps her bare legs around my waist and her long arms around my neck and place her like a baby onto the pull out bed beneath the open window.

I stand still, my eyes frozen to her head on the pillow, a fan of midnight surrounding her pale face, freckled skin and rosy cheeks.

"You've never done this before." I state, climbing atop the bed and straddling her.

She shook her head and took out a hand to brush away the blonde curls that are overgrown on my head.

"Me neither." I smile, kissing her freckled nose chuckling as she scrunched it up.

I take my fingers to her neck and stroke the skin all the way to her collarbone where I move it across and unfasten the first button of my shirt that she wears.

"I love you Teresa." I whisper.


	8. Feel, Sense, Smile

**I wrote this in my school planner on the notes page, outside in the pouring rain when I realised I had forgotten my key and my Dad wouldn't be back for another hour. And I was far too scared to go into the spidery shed in the garden so I wrote this on my doorstep. I realise my updates are being rather spaced out and I apologise so very much but time currently is out to get me by magically disappearing and not coming back.**

**Sorry about the lateness, and I'm sorry about continuity in this story as what's been bugging me for a while now is I said he lived as a carnie for 28 years at the beginning of this story and now after the desperate pleas that they become free from you lot I'm changing it to he lives as a carnie for 24 years- ten points to anyone who can tell me how old they are now! None of you had noticed this and I was almost seeing how far I could go without you noticing it but I have to change it. I have changed it in the summary now and after this story has finished I will probably repost the first chapter. **

**Thank you readers; my authors notes seem to getting very long nowadays.**

**Short chapter and it pains me to announce that I feel like the last chapter should be the next one. It seems fitting and since I never had this planned I think I'm going to have to follow my gut. **

**Or you could give me your opinion? **

I'd always prided myself in disguising my emotions but that night it didn't matter. I cried and she cried too. Cried every tear that our pasts had left us with, cried every tear we had shoved done with all our might, cried every tear that didn't have a reason. I held her and she held me, the way we supported each other metaphorically and physically. Tonight was the start of our new lives. Our proper lives that albeit took us longer to achieve but the proper lives that we would cherish more than the common man. One by one the candles flickered and died, making the tiny room dimmer with each passing flame, we fell asleep together into a peaceful dream that invented a future and held memories of what the night had brought.

As the dusk sun crept through the woven blinds I woke, today was the day I, we would find an answer. I had hope, and I believed that we would be leaving soon but doubt stood in the corner, growing bigger with each moment. I hugged her tight as I pondered upon the unwritten immediate future. I realised that I had two choices for if the answer I got wasn't what I wanted, choice one: to abide by what they said and live for more years as a mindless carnie or choice two: run.

I've never followed rules, never in my life. I've bent them, tweaked them, flat out ignored them, broken them, avoided them. Crafted them into ways to suit me.

I would run. Today. We would run no matter what.

-CL-

I walked hand in hand with her along the grassy ground of the park, the tree's overhead whistled with the wind and the birds chorused creating a harmony every walker seemed to enjoy. The dewy grass soaked our shoes and trouser legs as we aimlessly wandered on, silently across the soggy lands, winding between trees, avoiding other walkers. We'd lost the path a while ago and now we were just walking anywhere, which as we progressed we found others who had done the same.

We came to an empty opening after awhile of walking and we sat down on the large thankfully placed hollow tree trunk that had fallen and was now growing different life in its lifeless remains.

"Are you worried?" She asks, staring at me with those honest, green eyes. I look back at her and memorize every feature on her pale face; the rosy cheeks and freckled skin, the pink lips and tea-green eyes, the raven waves and the child-like heart-face. She's beautiful, caring, honest, strong, and capable of so much more and I feel I don't deserve her; she doesn't deserve to be stuck with someone like me.

"Very." I reply, taking her tiny hand in mine, her soft skin in my rough hands, soft skin I knew was everywhere on her tiny body, soft skin I'd been allowed to explore every inch of only a few hours ago.

"Me too." She nodded, stroking the back of my hand with her thumb.

"Teresa?" I start, not really sure how to phrase the thoughts running amok in my head. "Do you still want to be a cop?"

"Maybe." She shrugged

"Not maybe, if you could do anything in the whole world. What would you do?"

"If I could do anything in the whole world, I'd be a cop but I can-"

I cut her off by placing my free hand over her mouth.

"Listen to me Teresa, you can do anything. Anything at all." I say. "Now how much is it to go to the Academy?"

"I would have to get a position at a local police station first, then they send me to the academy either free of cost or over $3500 depending on everything." She answered.

"Well it's no more of this bar-girl then, whatever the answer is today we will go down to the Bureau tomorrow and get you a job."

"Patrick, I can't just waltz into the most important building in Sacramento and ask for a job, I don't even have a high school degree."

"You're the smartest woman I know, you don't need some professor in a funny hat to teach you anything, tomorrow we're going down to the Bureau and we are going to get you a job and ten years from now, you're name will be written in those important black letters because you'll be the highest in all the ranks and you'll get to boss around your little team and have them do anything you want."

She laughs and squeezes my hand. "You have a great imagination Patrick."

"I'm not imagining." I say, my voice almost in a whisper.

-CL-

I let myself melt into her sweet kiss, a mere good luck kiss turned into a five minute kiss-a-thon you only see on TV. Her hands ran through my already messy blonde curls and I had an arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer, my other hand cupped her head, resting on the sleek black waves.

"You're going to be late." She whispered, mumbling against my lips, sending vibrations through my skin.

"I really don't care." I replied, pulling away anyway and fixing my jacket.

"You come back and you'll get to pick up where we left off." She smiles, landing on the couch, her left leg tucked underneath her.

"Seriously, that's it?" I pout, watching her as she picked up her book from the tattered pillow.

"What's it?" She asks.

"You kiss me like crazy then read the most boring tales of dashing young knights and young, innocent, beautiful princesses."

"Yes, now you're already five minutes late." She grins, tapping her watch.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" I ask, a smirk on my face.

"Yes, now go." She ordered.

Well she'd always been honest.

-CL-

My knuckles turn white rapping against the thin door of the caravan, butterflies begin to multiply in my stomach and I want to run but I stay standing on the metal grate step, wishing I was made of jelly and could simply slip through the holes.

The door opens and the world's most unhappy clown stands before me, in a cheap suit that scarcely covered his bulging belly and was rolled up at the ankles of his short legs.

"Patrick." He greets, leading me in to the small living room that looks an identical replica to ours apart from less candles and a large T.V in the corner, Holly sat on the old tattered fabric couch fiddling with Josie's now short curls as she sat at the low coffee table, making a rather bald Barbie dance along the table with a large, pink dog that towered over poor Barbie.

"Patrick." Holly smiled, looking up as she saw me. "How have you been?"

"Anxious, amongst other things." I reply, taking a seat on the wooden chair with a wonky leg.

"I'm sorry." Holly smiles, moving over so that Ted could take a seat beside her.

"So, Patrick have you come to a decision?" Ted questioned, making it sound like I'd chosen to stay for the last few years.

"I have a decision?" I ask.

"Yes." Holly interjected, before Ted could say a word.

"Well then, my decision is that Teresa and I leave tomorrow before you move out."

The silence was deafening.

"Are you sure?" Holly asked all of a sudden, her voice ringing in the ears of everyone in the room. "What will you do?"

I thought carefully for a moment then spoke.

"We'll stay at this nice hotel down the street for a while until I find a small apartment. Teresa's going to join the police force and I'll find something then in ten years time, we'll never look back on this and we'll live as we please. And we'll have friends, and family, and we'll never owe a penny to anyone. We'll be free and happy no matter how poor or ill we are." I finish and look down at Josie who was making her dog and Barbie kiss in such an absurd fashion, I watched as she made them talk to each other. She was whispering in tiny, high pitched voices until she rested them down and spoke.

"And they all lived happily ever after."

And so the tiny, sweet voice ended the conversation. On such a note that was only found in fairy tales.

"You're smiling." She announced, standing before me and bringing her tiny fingers to my cheek, stroking each laugh line on my face.

"Pack a bag." I whisper, brushing a hand through her tousled hair.

"What do you mean?" She asked, using her green eyes to fish into the sea of blue and pick out the fish of an answer.

Without speaking her mouth drops open as she realises what I mean.

"You're kidding?" She asked, a smile growing on her face. She wrapped her arms around my neck and embraced me in a warm hug, I encompassed her in my hands and returned the hug, smiling to a degree only few people feel.

I pull back and look at her.

"I mean, woman. That we are leaving tomorrow, that you need to pack a bag and get rid of everything you don't need because since five minutes ago, we're free."

Free. Say that word and feel how the word feels against your lips, the vibrations, sense how it tastes on your tongue.

Free.

Free.

Free.


	9. A Happy Ending

**Last Chapter, a hopefully cute little chapter. **

**I want to thank every reader and every reviewer, I want to apologise greatly for the crazy amount of waiting and for not really that good quality of writing. I am eternally grateful to those who have helped me craft my writing to be better and those who have given me the courage to complete this story. You're comments have made my day, my week, my month and I want to thank you all! Xxxx**

"You're eyes look so much like hers, so bright, so green. It's amazing how identical they are. She says you look like me but I don't see it, if I look at you I swear I see her looking straight back at me. You're the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen.

Aubrey-Li Teresa Jane. You're perfect. I didn't think something so little and perfect could ever be ours.

You look so small in the little cot, the teddy blanket drowns you ever so much, so does the tiny hat and clothes Mummy bought for you. They were the smallest size Aubrey-Li, they would fit your Uncle Rigsby's thumb. She's sleeping now, Teresa or to you I guess Mummy, which would make me Daddy. I've never been Daddy before. I can't wait to hear it from your tiny lips.

What do you speak like Aubrey? Do you have your Mummy's sweet voice or do you have my accent?

What do you think about? Do you think about anything at all?

Do you know who I am, or am I some stranger to your tiny self?

Do you understand me? Everything I've told you, do you understand it? We've been talking for hours, you know my whole life and you're only a few hours old.

My name is Patrick Jane, or to you, Daddy. I'm thirty-six years old, a part-time consultant and a full time husband and now a full time Daddy. I firmly believe in fairytales and happy endings, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and miracles. I believe in them because when I look around this room, at your Mummy sleeping, at your tiny features I see the proof, in fairytales, in happy endings, in pots of gold at the end of the rainbow and in miracles. Because without fairytales and happy endings, I don't have words to describe this.

It wasn't easy to get here; we've had to do a lot to get here. Get to this. It's been hard, the world outside this room has its fair share of faults, but I'll guard you and protect you so that you won't have to go through it like we did. There are dragons, sorcerers and evil witches but now your Mummy's a knight, and you the princess shall be protected by her, by me and all the knights of the Castle.

After we left the Carnival, your Mummy got the job and I got a job on a small stage in a club. I did bad things there; I lied and pretended to be something I wasn't. Your Mummy wasn't happy and a year later when she got the job as a real police officer she made me get another job, for a year I wrote storybooks for children, your Mummy even helped me write one. I never thought she had such a good imagination. When she got the job as the boss of her unit she hired me as a consultant. Where I've worked ever since. A week after she got Auntie Grace and me in her team she found out she was pregnant with you. I don't even remember the months from that point till now but I remember eight hours ago. She was annoyed at being off work for so long, she hated just lazing about in the house. Never having to do anything.

She'd just gotten herself a glass of water from the kitchen and she put it on the side table, next to the book she'd been reading. It was beside our family photograph, me and Mummy are standing beside the old fence outside our house, Lettuce is there too, she was only a little bright white puppy in that photo. You're the little bump in Mummy's tummy there but we have your last scan photo tucked in the corner of the frame, we really need to get an updated one I guess but you'll have to help me trick Mummy into getting the picture taken, she hates pictures of herself. There's eight candles sitting on that table, all in all I'll bet there's thousands of candles in our house, I think Mummy put twelve in your room, they're special ones though, to help you sleep.

We get to take you home tomorrow, you'll see your home for the first time. Your room's waiting for you too, it's a bit small with all the stuff in it but it's homely. We spent hours decorating it, well your Mummy did. She's painted a forest, with elves and fairies. I hope you don't mind Aubrey but your name means elf ruler, which makes you the princess of elves. When you were in your Mummy's tummy we called you Elf, we didn't really know who you were then, whether you were a boy or a girl so when we found out we looked through thousands of baby-names and believe me Baby Aubes you could have had some really weird names, for a while we were going to call you Chibi because your Mummy had been browsing too much on the laptop and found little cute chibi characters that she spent days drawing in elf formation on your wall. She has rather enjoyed decorating your room; she's dreadfully arty when she has nothing else to do.

Lettuce might scare you a bit, she's very big compared to you but she's really rather sweet and extremely loyal. If you must know why we called her Lettuce it would be because the day we got her Mummy was trying to play with him but didn't have anything she could use as a toy so we went looking and I found the lettuce in the fridge. It's still unknown to this day why we have lettuce in the fridge since we both hate it with passion but we used it as a ball for him and the first time we rolled it for him he picked it up and moved to a little corner and began to gnaw at the lettuce. He was probably about your size at the time and the lettuce was about as big as his head but he ate the whole thing and would run away with it if you tried to take it off of him so from that day on he became known as Lettuce. So as I said before Aubrey, you could have ended up with a really weird name.

Our family is small, perhaps not as big as everybody else's but it's not empty. You have Uncle Cho, Uncle Rigsby and Auntie Grace who all love you so much and you have me and Mummy who love you more than the stars shine at night. You're our world Baby Girl, I can't wait to live this brand new chapter, I can't wait to write it with you."

"Patrick?" The quiet voice came from the bed beside him.

"Hey Mummy." He smiled, looking over at her from the chair beside the cot.

"Shouldn't Daddy be asleep?" She asked, sitting up on the pillows of the bed.

"Baby was crying." He replied, lifting the tiny baby from the cot, cradling her tiny head in his hand and her miniscule body in his arms.

"So you were telling her a story?" She asked, little did the self proclaimed Mentalist know but she'd been awake since his nineteenth birthday and listening ever since.

"Do you think she understood?" He asked, bringing the awake child over to the bed.

"It kept her quiet all this time didn't it?" She laughed, taking her baby in her arms.

"She's been looking at me all this time." He said, sliding into the bed beside the tousled raven-haired woman.

"She was just paying attention." Teresa smiled.

"She definitely takes after you?"

"What because she can pay attention?" She teased.

"Oi, No she looks like you, and the way she just stares at you all the time when you're talking." He exclaimed.

"I do not stare." She pouted, letting him slide his arms around her shoulders and pull her into the crook of his arm so her head rested on his shoulder.

"You're attentive." He reasoned. "So what do you think of Mummy, Baby Aubes?"

"Baby Aubes?" She questioned, looking down at the drowsy baby girl.

"You try saying Aubrey-Li every five seconds." He chuckled.

"Aubrey-Li Jane." She completed.

"Aubrey-Li Teresa Jane." He added.

"Why do we have to have my name in?" She asked.

"Because Teresa Jane, you're name's beautiful besides calling her Aubrey-Li Patrick Jane is just cruel." He smiled.

"Well Patrick Jane I like your name." She smiled, leaning up and kissing him on his rough cheeks. "And I love you."

"I love you too Teresa." He announced, resting his head upon hers.

**Fin**


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